"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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