Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
