Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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