Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
