he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
