I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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