i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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