Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
