we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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