I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
