After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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