i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
