All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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