mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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