It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
