I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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