Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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