Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You are a genius and a whore.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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