did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
