I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
