You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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