We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
