I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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