but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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