Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
