We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
