so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
