we have officially mastered the walk of shame
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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