maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
