my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
