sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
