Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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