My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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