I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
