she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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