I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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