i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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