YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
