ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
