Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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