did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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