Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Less talking, more tequila
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am one with the molecules
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
