Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
