So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
