I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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