I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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