Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
