Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
