You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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