I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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