Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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