So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
