Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh god it's open bar.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
