question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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