We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
