I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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