I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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