I think I died a long time ago.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
