I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
