I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
