He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
