Swine flu is the new snow day.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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