We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
